The Pam Stone Experience

     I’m taking a poll. (As opposed to a pole, which I never take, except that one time at Libby’s karaoke bar when I grabbed the pole and climbed to the ceiling, military-style, and then loudly dared any of the surrounding stripper-wannabe skank-ladies to top THAT!)

     Shit, I’m already getting off on tangents and I’ve barely begun. Where was I?

     Oh yeah, taking a poll. How many people reading this have ever met a celebrity and been totally starstruck? Like, to the point of drooling and babbling and lots of “um” in your speech?

     Well, when I met comedienne/actress Pam Stone recently, this happened to me. I didn’t watch a lot of the show Coach (mainly because it was popular when I was a freshman in college and I had just discovered boys and weed, and boys with weed) but I’ve been listening to her on the radio since I can remember and I was a big fan of her radio show The Satisfied Life on 107.9 the Link out of Charlotte.

     It was the first installment of Hub City Bookstore’s Writers’ Workshop series. Pam was on the panel. I first saw her while waiting in line at the library with my fellow author friend Ashley Holt. We had been talking about boogers when we noticed a slender butt right in front of us.

     “Oh my God,” I scream-whispered to Ashley. “I think that’s Pam Stone in front of us!”

     He said he didn’t know and went back to picking his nose. Or maybe that was me.

     Two minutes later I was photobombing some pictures she was taking of the event on her cell.

     “Oh my God,” I scream-whispered to Ashley. “I just totally photobombed Pam Stone and she was cool with it!”

     “Okay,” he said nonchalantly, and went back to picking his nose. Only this time it was definitely me.

     Thirty minutes later I was getting my picture made with Pam Stoneholding my book, Cats, Boys, and Booze; Or, How Not to FindLove in a Really Small Town. She was smiling!

     “So what’d you say to her?” Ashley Holt said to me while we were walking out of the event.

     “I just said how much I loved her and I loved her show and she’s been part of my life for like the last twenty years and how her stand-up was so funny and her radio show was great and she was awesome for taking a picture with me holding my book and stuff,” I said.

     “That’s good,” he deadpanned. “You probably didn’t sound like a stalker at all.”

     Who cares what Ashley Holt says. He’s a butthole. But his books are funny.

     The point is, I got to meet Pam Stone. She held my book, and I don’t think I drooled at any point during our conversation, OR had a booger showing. And that, ladies and germs, is what I call a successful night!